How do you walk back into that building?

[pbray]

Like most people in the area, I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened in Binghamton on Friday.


As I commented at the time, this is such a small place that everyone would know someone who was there or know someone who knows someone who was there.

And, indeed, I was right. The first name that caught my eye was Mary Pat Hyland, who'd occasionally taught classes at the American Civic Association. A former journalist, her descriptions of the ACA were widely quoted in the early coverage.

Years ago, Mary Pat and I were in an Irish Folk Dancing troupe together, in the days before Riverdance, when adults in Irish step dance costume drew puzzled stares.

Then there was Priscilla Pease, who was in the Spanish Language for Travelers class I took last winter. Priscilla sat in the row in front of me--a retired language teacher she was taking the opportunity to brush up on her Spanish. She'd talked about teaching ESL at the Civic Association, how much she enjoyed it, and how challenging it was to teach a class where students could join at any time so each session had to meet the needs of both beginners and advanced students.

I can't say that I knew her well, but I worried about Priscilla from the moment the news broke. Turned out that Priscilla was in the second classroom--she and her students were the ones who hid in the basement and eventually made it out safely.

As a writer, a vivid imagination is my stock in trade. But I'm drawing a blank as I try to put myself in the place of those who had once seen the ACA as a place where they enjoyed going, where they could get help or share their talents. If I were in their place, could I ever walk into that building again? Could I sit in one of the classrooms as teacher or student? Would I still volunteer to cook at the next ethnic dinner? How does one get past such an event?

Intellectually I've always known that there is no safe place. This kind of senseless violence can happen anywhere-- big city or tiny village, school, church, work place, nursing home, shopping center, anywhere people gather. But viscerally I didn't quite believe it could happen here. I don't think any of us did.

It's a lesson I wish no one ever had to learn.

Comments

[auriaephiala.livejournal.com]

That's just dreadful. Nothing can excuse what happened in your city. I hope the people who were in the building at the time aren't too badly traumatized, and the injured people recover. That receptionist who was hit first sounded very brave.

In a bizarre coincidence, today is the 10th anniversary of the worst mass shooting we've ever had here in Ottawa -- when a former transit employee walked into a transit garage and shot four of his former colleagues. The investigation afterwards showed a pretty toxic culture at that workplace, including the gunman being "teased" a lot. So, when I heard that the gunman in Binghamton had apparently been "teased" as well, that raised some unpleasant memories.

[dragonmyst.livejournal.com]

{{{hugs}}}

There are no words I can find to express how I feel except {{{hugs}}}.

[kateelliott.livejournal.com]

Terrible and sobering. Thank you for writing about this.

[sylvia-rachel.livejournal.com]

I don't know how you go back into the building, how you move on from something as horrifying as this. Just that somehow, at some point, you have to, because otherwise the bad guys -- evil, the forces of chaos, the Dark Side, insanity, whatever form it takes -- will end up winning.

It's probably the hardest thing most of those people will ever have to do, and I wish no one ever had to do it.

[melissajm.livejournal.com]

Years ago my husband and I came home to find a stranger in our apartment. No one got hurt, nothing was stolen and we don't even live there any more, but I STILL won't answer the door when I'm home alone unless I'm expecting someone.

I can't imagine what it's like going back after something like that.

[jjschwabach.livejournal.com]

I was wondering the same thing. How do you go back?

The thing that really gets me is this:
On 9/11, staff were taking turns being in the room where the VA had set up a TV so the vets could follow the story. One walked up to me and said, "My parents brought me here from Northern Ireland to get *away* from terrorist attacks." Remembering that man makes me think a lot of the people who were at the ACA last Friday had come to America with similar thoughts: "We'll be safe there."

I am not sure the "making fun of his English" part was real or in his head. The only conversation I saw reported seemed more like an attempt by an English-speaking co-worker to reach out and make friends, to which overture he was very rude. Much of the spree-killer's psyche involves persecution complexes and blaming someone for their situation. The rest of us say, "What do more recent immigrants have to do with his problem?" because we're rational. He clearly was not.

Bob Geldoff was right, "You can see no reason, 'cause there are no reasons."

But I have wondered, indeed, how the people involved are going to pick up and go on with their lives. For some, it might be months, or years, before they feel the effects. I remember attending a class about PTSD, and te instructor talked about a woman in Oklahoma City who'd lived two blocks from the Murrah Building. The roof of her apartment collapsed, and one her her neighbors had dug her out. He called an ambulance, etc. Several months later, she started having problems at work, showing up late, forgetting stuff, etc. After a while, her boss said, "I think you need to go to this support group. I think you're still upset about what happened."
And she said, "What happened?" Her mind had blocked it. Blocked the roof, the blast, the 168 people killed...

the brain is a very strange organ indeed.

I hope the survivors do well.

[scbutler.livejournal.com]

Glad your friends are safe. The feeling of violation after this sort of thing is always horrible, but it goes away eventually, as Dave points out.