I blame Australia

[pbray]

The plan for Friday was simple. Wake up, run the 6AM database loads, shower, pack car, and make the 6 hour drive to New Hampshire. There I would rendezvous with Stacey, and we'd head to the Prouty Registration center to pick up our bibs so we'd be ready for the cancer fundraising bike ride on Saturday.

The reality was a tad different.


First, I didn't sleep well. Partly from the oppressive heat, and part was undoubtedly due to psychic waves of distress from Australia invading my subconscious. When I logged on the very first thing I received was a frantic instant message from my counterpart in Australia. I'd barely had a sip of coffee and now it was emergency crunch time. It took me nearly three hours to figure out what had gone wrong, fix it, document the fix, and then do my own database loads.

Cranky from the frantic start to the day, and now running over an hour late, I showered, threw stuff in the suitcase and started loading the car. Work laptop? Check. Suitcase? Check. Sandwich in chill bag to eat on road? Check. Wine as gift for friends? Check. Bike? Check.

Then, as I was heading to the garage to load in the final bag of cycling gear, I slipped off the top step and landed hard on my left foot, twisting it. The air turned blue as I cursed.

I went back in the house. My foot hurt like hell. I took two Tylenol. I took off my sneaker and sock, put a small ice pack against my foot, then pulled sock back on and put it back in the sneaker (after taking out the orthotic so I had room to fit my foot inside.) I grabbed extra ice packs from fridge and put them in the chill bag I was using for my sandwich.

And then I started driving to New Hampshire. This was my left foot, I didn't need it to drive. It could get better, if not I had icepacks and Tylenol in the car. If I did have problems, Stacey & Nick would take care of me. And if things got bad, the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center in Hanover has a great reputation.

Then, about an hour from the house, as I came to a rest stop, I realized I needed to pull over and evaluate the situation.

The ice pack was warm. My foot was swelling. While I could wiggle my toes (sort of) and flex my foot, it hurt. Putting weight on it hurt more.

I called Stacey, and the conversation went something like this:

"Hey, how are you?"
"Fine."
"You don't sound fine."
"Well, I sprained my ankle."
"Oh no!"
"But don't worry, I'm on my way on I-88."
"??"
"It's my left foot, so I don't need it to drive."
"Are you okay? Do you need to get it checked out?"
"I don't think so. (beat). It's not too bad now, I just think I need more ice."
"Ice?!"
"Oh, and I can't really walk on it."
"And you think you're going to be able to ride 50 miles tomorrow?"
"Well, if it hurts maybe we can just do the 35 mile ride."
"Do you hear what you are saying?"

I confessed that the pain was about a 5 on a scale of 1-10. Stacey tried to talk me into turning around and going home. I countered that I'd drive for another hour and reassess. If I did make it up to her place and was disabled, I could stay there as long as I needed.

I started driving again. And ten minutes later, Stacey's words sunk in and at the next exit I got off the highway and turned around.

I knew my behavior was irrational. But I was furious with myself for making such a careless mistake. And I was heartbroken that I would miss the weekend. The cancer ride is important to me, and spending time with Stacey and Nick equally so. I felt like I was letting down everyone who'd pledged money in support. That I was being weak for not just sucking it up and going on anyway. Look at the Tour de France riders who ride with broken bones, how pathetic is it that an ankle was going to disable me? Never mind that I'm not a professional athlete, and I'm older than the tour riders, I still felt like a failure.

By the time I got home the pain was intense, coming in waves. When I took off my sneaker, I couldn't put weight on that foot. Two of my friends broke their ankles by tripping and falling, so I decided discretion was the better part of valor and went to the walk-in clinic. There they diagnosed an ugly sprain, gave me an aircast and sent me home to protect/rest/ice/compress/elevate. They gave me Aleve and something stronger so I could sleep at night. Back home, I settled in the recliner with an icepack on the foot and turned on the Tour of France. I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening icing and resting the foot. Hobbling from living room to kitchen or living room to bathroom was challenging but I managed. (Walk-in had offered me crutches but I declined on premise they would only encourage me to overdo things.)

I can't remember spraining my ankle, certainly not as an adult. I did break my foot in taekwondo, but that was nearly twenty years ago. I'm not athletic, but I'm not injury prone. I'm still not quite sure why they call it an ankle sprain when the swelling and pain is mostly on the top of my foot below the ankle, but I assume it's one of those medical mysteries.

Now it's Saturday. I know I made the right decision not to go up to New Hampshire, but I'm terribly disappointed. Even knowing that my donations still count, and my number is being given to one of the riders on the standby list doesn't help.

The 6AM database load for today is finished, the Tour de France is on TV, and Stacey promised to call me later to let me know how her ride went. I'm going to take it easy. If the pain gets worse, it will be time for x-rays, but I'm hoping things improve.

And I'm still mad at myself. I know better. If this had happened to any one of my friends, I would have delivered the obligatory "Rushing is never worth it, carelessness leads to injury" lecture. Going to be a while before I can forgive myself for being fallible.

Comments

[jjschwabach.livejournal.com]

"I'm not athletic," says the woman who was planning to do a 50-mile bike ride on a sprained ankle...

Ouch! Sorry you're missing the ride. I know how much you look forward to it every year. FWIW, crutches would not make you do more -- it takes years to get as adept as yrs trly. But it would make it much more difficult to bring things back from the kitchen, or take the dirty dishes in. On Canadian Crutches, if you can only put weight on one foot, carrying things not in bags can't be done at all. I am now using a knee walker for that -- very fine, but not practical in your situation as they're far too expensive for short-term use, and insurance will only approve rental if you *can't* use crutches.

Stay off it as much as possible. You'll heal faster, and that's what we want.

Feel better fast!

[melissajm.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry you're missing the ride, but you made the right choice. My husband sprained his ankle years ago, did too much too soon, (his boss demanded it) and had had trouble ever since. Driving for over 45 minutes still makes his ankle swell.

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't think of myself as athletic. Biking for me is just discipline, if you get out and ride you'll be able to work up to 25, 50 or even 100 mile rides, there's no particular skill required you just have to want to do it.

And yeah, staying off it is the plan.

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Especially after I was so stupid in the couple of hours immediately after the sprain, I've been trying to make it for it by being extra good. Though I may need to beg jpsorrow for a snack run.

[jjschwabach.livejournal.com]

Heh. Assuming you can ride a bike in the first place, the which I am not equipped to learn to do.


Staying off it is good. Do you have a follow-up appointment?

[1hope1dream.livejournal.com]

I've sprained my ankle numerous times as an adult...ok, 32 times in the last 10 years. I've become prone to sprained ankles because of how weak my right ankle has become due to the multiple sprains. I haven't had a day in those 10 years where my right ankle ever looked "normal". My foot and ankle are always swollen and I've got circulation issues because of trying to do too much too soon more than once. So you did make the right choice.

I certainly hope your sprain heals faster than mine do. (We're talking 2 months minimum on crutches because of how badly damaged my poor ankle is.) And ask for help if you need it. It's always a good thing to get someone else to pamper you once in a while. *grin*

[sylvia-rachel.livejournal.com]

Oh, ouch :(

I know how extremely disappointing this is, but of course you made the right decision. Being taken home by air ambulance from NH would have been very embarrassing ;^).

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Staying off is the plan and followup as needed. Coincidentally I'm supposed to go pick stupff up at my podiatrist's office on Monday so if it's dicey I'm going to call and get into see him, since he'd slso a sports injury guy.

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Oh no, that sounds awful. I'm hoping that by taking proper care (and yes, letting folks run errands for me) that I can avoid longterm issues.

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Worst case scenario was actually getting stuck halfway between here and NH which is where jennifer_dunne's parents live, and having to throw myself on their mercy. They'd be happy to help out, but the hovering would get to me.

Still ouch today but less so than yesterday, or so I've convinced myself.

I'm not a doctor, but I don't play one on TV....

[jjschwabach.livejournal.com]

I think that's a good plan. Was the walk-in place able to do an x-ray? It's entirely possible that you have a hairline fracture. If I could read your mind, I could tell you by what makes it hurt, probably. Kind of an expert on the personal experience end of things. Pain sucks. At least it's not so blisteringly hot now that you will be forced to go out seeking swimmage.

Did jpsorrow show up with comestibles?

[libwitch.livejournal.com]

Being disappointed is understandable. Feeling like you let people down....er, hard on yourself much?

And yeah, one day you will laugh about this -- probably when you are complaining that you hurt on a bike ride and s will then turn to you and say "really, remember when...?

I am just glad you turned around - I hate to think how much worse you could have made it.

I hope you heal soon.

[jmward14.livejournal.com]

You made the right call. Now try to take it easy. You'll get back to normal much faster. Honest! Best speedy get well wishes,

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Only upside is that being forced to rest means making at least a minor dent in the TBR stack.

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the good wishes.

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

Holy cow!

Not sure how I missed this, but I hope you're on the mend (slowly).

Look at the Tour de France riders who ride with broken bones, how pathetic is it that an ankle was going to disable me? Never mind that I'm not a professional athlete, and I'm older than the tour riders, I still felt like a failure.

You're human. And you don't dope. And you do this for pleasure, not because it's a career. That's not being a failure.

[pbray.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Now that the official diagnosis is that I tore ligaments in three places, at least I feel less pathetic over being temporarily disabled. I'm still mad over what was a completely avoidable accident, but I'm giving myself permission to take it easy and heal up.

[mtlawson.livejournal.com]

Three ligaments? Holy crap. When are you having surgery?

Okay, it may have seemed avoidable, but that's only hindsight. You weren't doing what I was doing when I last sprained my ankle: trying to amuse the kids by dancing like that frog in the Bugs Bunny cartoon, the one that sings "Hello my honey! Hello my darlin! Hello my ragtime gal!"

[pbray.livejournal.com]

I'm in a temporary cast right now waiting for swelling to go down, and in a week I'll go back and he'll assess and figure out what's next. It's entirely possible that I can heal up by protecting injury, resting it so it has a chance to heal, followed by physical therapy, etc.