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I've been silent for these past weeks, as most of my friendslist has been discussing the incident at Wiscon and the pervasiveness of harassment within sf&f and geekdom at large.
I'll admit my first reaction was disbelief--that this happened at Wiscon of all places, somewhere I would have thought of as a safe space. And then frustration, that even after the well-publicized incidents of the past years, nothing seems to have changed. At times like this we might as well be in 1963 as in 2013.
I know that these people represent only a small fraction of our community, but to quote my father, it takes only one person to sh*t in a swimming pool to ruin it for everyone.
I've given up hope that we can change the behavior of these predators, that our reasoned explanations will cause the lightbulb to go off, and for them to realize the error of their ways. But what I can do is to help drive home the message that they are not welcome in our community. To that end--
I will let people know that this is important to me. Before I attend a con, I'll look for their published harassment policies, which must include what to do during or immediately after an incident has occurred. If they don't have these visible, I'll make sure the Concom knows that this is a deal breaker for me.
I will be there. If you don't want to be alone when you wander the con, hit the bar, go to a party, etc., just ask and I'll be happy to be there with you. You don't have to explain why--I don't care if you are worried about harassment, an introvert who doesn't do well in large crowds of strangers, or simply directionally challenged and worried you'll get lost in the big city. Just tell me that you'd rather not be alone. If at some point I have to leave, I'll stay with you until we find someone else we trust to keep you company.
I will not stand by. If I see questionable behavior, I'm going to walk up to you and ask if everything is okay. If you answer "No" I'll bear witness. I'll help you leave the situation, and I'll call for backup if needed.
I will not judge. If you've been harassed and want my support as you file a report, I'll be there. If you choose not to report, I won't try to guilt trip you. You're the only one who gets to decide what is right for you.
I've got your back, and I know you've got mine.
I'll admit my first reaction was disbelief--that this happened at Wiscon of all places, somewhere I would have thought of as a safe space. And then frustration, that even after the well-publicized incidents of the past years, nothing seems to have changed. At times like this we might as well be in 1963 as in 2013.
I know that these people represent only a small fraction of our community, but to quote my father, it takes only one person to sh*t in a swimming pool to ruin it for everyone.
I've given up hope that we can change the behavior of these predators, that our reasoned explanations will cause the lightbulb to go off, and for them to realize the error of their ways. But what I can do is to help drive home the message that they are not welcome in our community. To that end--
I will let people know that this is important to me. Before I attend a con, I'll look for their published harassment policies, which must include what to do during or immediately after an incident has occurred. If they don't have these visible, I'll make sure the Concom knows that this is a deal breaker for me.
I will be there. If you don't want to be alone when you wander the con, hit the bar, go to a party, etc., just ask and I'll be happy to be there with you. You don't have to explain why--I don't care if you are worried about harassment, an introvert who doesn't do well in large crowds of strangers, or simply directionally challenged and worried you'll get lost in the big city. Just tell me that you'd rather not be alone. If at some point I have to leave, I'll stay with you until we find someone else we trust to keep you company.
I will not stand by. If I see questionable behavior, I'm going to walk up to you and ask if everything is okay. If you answer "No" I'll bear witness. I'll help you leave the situation, and I'll call for backup if needed.
I will not judge. If you've been harassed and want my support as you file a report, I'll be there. If you choose not to report, I won't try to guilt trip you. You're the only one who gets to decide what is right for you.
I've got your back, and I know you've got mine.